there's a rule

 "We know there's a rule, if you don't know it, now's the time to learn it, אישה כשרה עושה את רצון בעלה a pious woman has an ideal of doing the will of her husband. It's an ideal, to make her husband happy, to cooperate and to obey, as much as possible. A pious Jewish woman tries to obey." Rabbi Miller, tape #3, 46:20. 

letter to a rabbi about tefillin

 I listened to your shiur “Tefillin? By Rav B....” where you say basically that women don’t wear tefillin because they are better than men. You don’t give a source for this, but I assume that you see the source as Rav Hirsch. 

However, Rav Hirsch never says that women are better than men. He says many times that men and women are equal. As for the exemption from some mitzvos, he says women don’t need these mitzvos “for their job.” But they have a different job from the men. You can’t make an absolute comparison. 

If women were better than men, shouldn’t they be the rabbis? Shouldn’t they be the leaders of the home? Why does the Gemara say that the man who goes about in the counsel of his wife goes to gehennom (Baba Matzia 59a)? 

You say men should honor women more because the women need it. Why would such a spiritual being need honor? And why do they get a ring upon marriage while the husband gets a Gemara?

Your explanation turns tefillin into a kind of embarrassment. The men wear them because they are so low. I don’t find that inspiring. So why does the Shulchan Aruch say that only a very pious person should wear Rabbeinu Tom tefillin?  

Yes, mitzvos improve us. Women do mitzvos all day long. Are you saying that when they are in the kitchen they are not doing a mitzvah? Should I say women are commanded to do more chesed because they are lacking in that quality?  Mitzvos are not a sign post for our weaknesses. Rather they engage our strengths.

Why do Kohanim have more mitzvos? They have more kiddusha.  

The Baal Magen Avraham (Zies Rananan) on Yalkut Shemoni, Shmuel 1:1 says that women are exempt from positive time bound commandments because their yetzer tov is smaller. The Maharal (Tiferes Yisroel 4 and Chidushei Maakos 23b) says women are exempt because they are less b’zelem Elokim. 

I’m sorry but I believe that your presentation is not correct. And I believe it sends a bad message to women, which is, your husband is inferior to you. That’s not what we need. 

May you be blessed. 

Maharal: Drush Al HaTorah, translation

 

Maharal: Drush Al HaTorah, p. 27 in standard edition, chapter 16:1-2 on Sefaria.

 

Again it says, "Thus shall you say, etc." (Exodus 19:3), to the women in the language of speaking, and to the men in the language of the telling. Perhaps the women will say “we have no reward for learning the Torah,” since they don’t learn it [themselves]. So how will they have a share in the reward? Because of this they might prevent their husbands from accepting it, when they [the women] have no benefit from it. That's why it says, "Thus you will say, etc.", to the women in soft language. The verse is saying that their reward is very big, more than that of the men, and that is why the women are spoken to first. And so in the chapter “He would read” (Berachot 17.) [it says] God made a greater promise to women than to men, as it is said (Isaiah Lev, 9) "Women who are tranquil" Rabbi Haya said, how do women merit, by taken their sons to the study hall and waiting for their husbands to return from the rabbis.

 

Let us explain. There is to ask, why is this great promise made to women? And if the reward of women is great for helping their sons and husbands with Torah [study], the reward of the people who study it should be even greater. There is to understand what the scripture means when it refers to "tranquil women." The man, since he is strong, is not tranquil and quiet. He is active. Therefore, he is not prepared for tranquility and rest, which is the [attribute of ] the next world, since it is the essence of rest. However, women are fit for this, since by nature they are not so active. Therefore greater is the promise that the Holy One Blessed Be He [made to them] over the men as they are not so tranquil and prepared for it [this rest]. This is more relevant to women. And with the help that they give, their reward is very great as they are already prepared for the tranquility [of the next world]. However, the men need to toil in Torah without rest night and day. “And He told the sons of Israel,” this with words of harshness, for [the man’s] task is toil. The women were spoken to in softer language because they don’t need it so much. Even so, their reward is greater, and so they were spoken to in softer language.

 

שוב אמר "כה תאמר וגו'" (שמות יט, ג), לנשים בלשון אמירה, ולאנשים בלשון הגדה. להורות כי באולי יאמרו הנשים אין לנו שכר בלמוד התורה, בשאינם לומדות אותה, ואיך יהיה להם חלק בשכרה, ועל ידי כך אולי ימנעו את בעליהם מלקבלה, כאשר אין להם תועלת בזה. לכך אמר "כה תאמר וגו'", לנשים בלשון רכה, רצה לומר אדרבה, ששכרם הרבה מאוד, יותר משל אנשים, ולכך מקדים הנשים תחלה. וכדאיתא בפרק היה קורא* (ברכות יז.), גדולה הבטחה שהבטיחן הקב"ה לנשים יותר מן האנשים, שנאמר (ישעיה לב, ט) "נשים שאננות וגו'". אמר ליה רב לרבי חייא, נשים במה זכיין. באקרויי בנייהו לבי כנשתא, ובאתנויי גברייהו לבי רבנן, ונטרן לגברייהו עד דאתי מבי רבנן, עד כאן.

 

הנה מבואר נגלה כי יש לשאול, למה ועל מה גדולה ההבטחה שהבטיח לנשים. ואם שכר הנשים גדול בשביל שמסייעים לבניהם ולבעליהם לתורה, כל שכן היה ראוי להיות יותר גדול שכר אנשים הלומדים אותה. אמנם יש לך להבין זה ממה שאמר הכתוב שהביא "נשים שאננות", כי האיש במה שהוא גבר, איננו בעל שאנן והשקט, מצד התגברותו והתפעלו. בכן אינם מוכנים גם כן כל כך אל השאנן והמנוחה, הוא העולם הבא, שהוא המנוחה בעצמו. אבל הנשים ראויים ומוכנים לה מצד עצמם, שאינם בני פעולה והתעוררות מצד עצם בריאתן. לפיכך "גדולה הבטחה* שהבטיחן הקב"ה יותר מן האנשים", מצד השאנן ושלוה אשר המה מוכנים לו, כי זהו חלק הנשים, וראויות לזה ביותר. ובמעט הסיוע שמסייעים לתורה שכרם גדול מאד, באשר* כבר הם מוכנים אל השאנן, וכל המוכן לדבר מה, בנקל ישיגנו* מצד תכונתו. אבל האנשים צריכים מצד זה שיהיו עמלים וטורחים בתורה מבלי מנוח לילה ויום. וזהו (-גופו-) [גופא] "ותגיד לבני ישראל" דברים הקשין כגידין, הוא העמל הגדול הזה. אמנם לנשים בלשון רכה, כי אינם צריכים כל כך. ואף על פי כן הם ראויים לשכר יותר גדול, עד שלזה גם כן הקדימן הכתוב לאנשים, כאמור.

 

Comments:

We see here that the Maharal discusses only Torah study, not mitzvos. Numerous people, including most famously Rabbi Moshe Meiselman in his book Jewish Women in Jewish Law, mistakenly use this passage from the Maharal to explain why women are exempt from positive time-bound commandments. However, the Maharal discusses that subject in Tiferes Yisroel 4 and Chidushei Agados Makos 23b where he says essentially that women are exempt from those mitzvos because women are less spiritual than men.  What the Maharal says here is that Olam Haba is a place of receiving reward and a person has to be fit to receive his reward. Women are receivers, hence the word נְקֵבָה from לקבל – to receive. They take the chochmah of the male and build it out using binah. They take the seed of the male, and build a baby. They take the grain from the male and turn it into bread. As receivers, they are better prepared for the receiving of reward in the next world. Men are aggressive. One aspect of Torah study is to channel that aggression, to soften the male so he is fit to be more of a receiver. Are we going to say that this is the only purpose of Torah study? It’s one aspect of it. He “needs” Torah study to tame him. Does that need signify that he is inferior to the woman? Rabbi Meiselman wrote that according to the Maharal women are better suited for spiritual growth. This suggests that energy and activity are not needed for spiritual growth, but that sounds like Zen Buddhism to me. Judaism says we live in a world of action. By doing mitzvos, by studying, by praying we grow. We don’t grow magically by passively channeling the universe, or some such thing. A man’s energy and activity are tools for spiritual growth. Only, there’s a down side to it, which is that for receiving reward in the next world, we have to be receptacles too. In that sense, the man “needs” Torah study.

masculine-style activities

 If I may offer a thought that is entirely my own (as far as I know), the positive-time bound commandments are masculine-style activities. Sitting outdoors in the crisp autumn in a small hut that he rapidly built with his hands is the kind of thing a man is more inclined to do. Most women prefer to be in the house, near the kitchen, where children have room to play. The same applies to wearing simple black boxes -- every single day the same style. Few women want to wear the same plain article every day. The same can be said of adhering to the regimentation of saying Shema at a specific time, every morning, no exceptions for morning sickness. The same goes for making an intentionally jolting sound with a dead Ram’s horn and waving around a lulav as if it were a sword. The positive time-bound commandments from which women are not exempt don’t have this quality. Examples include kiddush, which is said at the dinner table over wine, and eating matzah, again at the dinner table. This may not be a profound philosophical idea, but it seems to fit somewhat. Even if the generalizations are offensive to some (but mostly not to people in the Orthodox Jewish world), you have to admit, there’s truth to it.

fulfill all 613 commandments

 However, it is well known that R. Isaac Luria, of blessed memory, stated10 that [the soul of] every11Jew needs to be reincarnated many times, until he will fulfill all 613 commandments of the Torah in thought, speech and action, i.e., using all three soul-garments with which one performs the commandments.

להשלים לבושי נפשו ולתקנם שלא יהא לבושא דחסרא כו'

This is in order to complete the garments of his soul and to correct them, so that no garment will be incomplete.

As explained in Tanya, ch. 4, the divine soul has three garments - the thought, speech and action of the 613 commandments of the Torah. If the performance of one of these commandments is lacking, the soul's garments are incomplete. It is thus necessary for each soul to perform all of the commandments.

לבד מצות התלויות במלך שהוא מוציא כל ישראל כי הוא כללות כולם כו'

Excepted12 are the commandments incumbent upon a king,13 because he discharges the obligation of all of Israel, as he is a corporate collective of them all.14

All Jews are incorporated within the king. When he performs those commandments that depend upon him, it is therefore considered as if all the Jewish people had performed them. As to the other commandments, however, if in one incarnation an individual did not perform them all, he must be reincarnated so that he will be able to do so.

Why must one have the garments of all 613 commandments?

והטעם הוא כדי להלביש כל תרי"ג בחי' וכחות שבנפשו

The reason is, in order to garb all the 613 aspects and powers of one's soul,

Divine efflux

 This [ascent] effects a union there, between the spiritually feminine Sefirah of Malchut and the spiritually masculine levels of Divine efflux that transcend it,

Iggeret HaKodesh, end of Epistle 27

Why women shouldn't study Torah and how women have an easier life.

 Why women shouldn't study Torah and how women have an easier life. 

947 - Skill of Silence, Rabbi Miller, around 1:26:26