Some Issues with the book Why Should I Stand Behind the Mechitzah if I Could Be a Prayer Leader?

This Shabbos I came across the book "Why Should I Stand Behind the Mechitzah if I Could Be a Prayer Leader?" Certainly, explaining Torah to non-observant woman is a daunting task, one that gets harder by the decade no doubt. The author is to commended for her efforts and the many interesting ideas in the book.

However, I did want to comment on the explanation offered for the exemption of women from time bound commandments. I realize that it has become common in kiruv world to explain men's obligation in those commandments as being due to spiritual deficiency in men, but this appears to conflict with classic sources on the matter. R' Moshe Feinstein explains that obligation in commandments stems from one's possession of holiness. He notes that men and women are equal in holiness and that women have the necessary holiness to be obligated. However, the Torah exempts them for reasons of household duties. (Igros Moshe, Orach Chaim, IV, 49)

The book cites the reason of taking care of children in the name of the Abudraham. The Abrudraham actually says that the Torah exempts the woman to make peace between her and her husband. Since the wife is in the husband's domain, he could direct her to household activities that conflict with the performance of those mitzvos. Just as Hashem allows his name to be erased for the sake of peace in the matter of the Sotah waters, He allows the exemption from mitzvos for peace in the home. Raising children may be part of the reason, but the larger part is being under the authority of the husband, a part of a Torah view of marriage that the book in general appears not to recognize.

The book also cites the Maharal as saying that men are obligated in Torah study and mitzvos to combat their aggressiveness. The Maharal actually doesn't mention mitzvos in his comments on male aggressiveness. He only mentions Torah study. (Drosh Al HaTorah 27) Certainly, combating male aggressiveness is not the only reason for Torah study. It's one reason. As for mitzvos, the Maharal says that men are obligated because they are more spiritual than women. He explains this using the philosophical concepts of tzurah and chomer. Tzurah is spiritual form. Chomer is physicality. Spiritual form gives spiritual shape to physicality. The Maharal compares the male to tzurah and the female to chomer. As the positive time-bound commandments also constitute tzurah, men are obligated in them. (Tiferes Israel 4) Elsewhere, the Maharal says that mitzvos are a reflection of Hashem. Since men are more b'tzelem Elokim, they are obligated in more mitzvos. (Chidushei Agados, Makkos 23b) I don't recommend sharing these comments of the Maharal with the public. However, if you are going to present his reasons for the obligation of men and the exemption of women, these are the reasons he gives.

The book did not give the reason of the Magen Avraham. He says that women are exempt because their yetzer tov is smaller and if obligated they likely would not comply. (Zi'es Ra'anan on Yalkut Shimoni, Shmuel 1:1).

In my estimation, the explanations of 20th century gadolim are best fit for the contemporary public. They include R' Moshe Feinstein, the Lubavitcher Rebbe, and R' Avidgor Miller. All say that men and women are equal and the exemption is due to our having different roles. While this book in some places describes men and women as being equal (which is better than many English books on this topic) it resorts to apologetics and the disparaging portrayal men in its explanation of the exemption, as I have tried to explain. So while the book makes a noble effort to move people from feminism to Torah, it does fall short in this regard.

The book offers also a peculiar presentation of obligations regarding marital relations. The book says that neither sex may punish the other by withholding sex but that there is not an obligation on the woman similar to onah. This is not correct. While the Torah obligation of onah falls only on the man, the Rambam says that not only should the wife not punish him by withholding but that she should respond to him "whenever he wants." (Hilchos Ishos 15:18). I think it's fair to surmise that the Torah makes a specific commandment regarding women's sexual needs because they can be quite subtle. A man's are so obvious that a commandment is not necessary. However, a male's need is in many respects a more serious matter since the male is burdened with the difficult issur against spilling seed, a sin the kitzur Shulchan Aruch calls the worst of a sins.

According to Your Will

“You have made me according to Your Will. That means I have a great function in life. Someday I’ll be a mother, I’ll raise up Jewish children, I’ll be a creator of human lives to serve Hashem.”

R’ Avigdor Miller, Q&A 2 (Columbus Publications, 2013) p. 265.

Step down a step to marry a wife

“Step down a step to marry a wife (Yevomos 63a) as follows: “It means it’s advisable that your wife should always look up to you.” That’s why Hakodosh Boruch Hu made women shorter than men, that’s the truth. Now, in order that your wife should look up to you, you have to be superior to your wife. Suppose your wife comes from a big, aristocratic family, and you're from a family of nobodies, it’s going to haunt you all your life; she might bring it up too. Therefore it’s better to marry somebody who is less aristocratic.”

Thursday Nights with Rabbi Miller, Vol. 2, p. 336, tape #491.

Q. Why Don’t Girls Wear Yarmulkas?

Q. Why Don’t Girls Wear Yarmulkas?

A. Let me ask you: Why do men wear yarmulkes? The answer is because Hakadosh Baruch Hu declared, "Atem tehiyu Ii mamleches kohanim ve'goy kadosh," the Jewish people is to be a nation of exalted Kohanim. As we are well aware, a cap was among the four begadim that the Kohanim were required to wear; it was called a para hamigvaos. It is for this reason that we, too, wear yarmulkes and hats on our heads - to remind ourselves that we are a nation of Kohanim. In ancient times, it wasn't necessary to wear a yarmulke, for little time had elapsed since Hashem had uttered His eternal declaration. Each and every Jew identified fully with this concept and viewed himself as a Kohen. But as the generations progressed and hundreds of years passed by, there were some Jews that began to forget their status as Kohanim. On account of this, Jews began to place yarmulkes on their heads as reminders. In the morning, we recite the berachah "Oter Yisrael be'tifarah," thanking Hashem for crowning us with splendor. This berachah refers to the head coverings worn by Jewish men. Notice that the words tifarah and "para" migvaos share the same root. This is because the yarmulkes and hats that we don each day are meant to be reminders of our status as Kohanim and servants of Hashem! By wearing a yarmulke we show that we are yirei Shamayim and loyal servants of Hakadosh Baruch Hu.

It is important for girls to know that leadership rests in the hands of their husbands. This is a very important lesson! Let us think about this for a moment: As we know, men are commanded to perform mitzvos asei she'haz'man grama, time-bound mitzvos. Women, on the other hand, are not required to perform these mitzvos. What is the reason for this difference? The answer is that women have other important obligations to tend to, which exempt her from these commandments. A woman must know that she is a briah shel chessed, she has been created for the purpose of performing chessed. Being a wife and mother is a very significant role, and it requires her to be selfless and totally dedicated to performing chessed! It takes a woman's entire effort to succeed in being an efficient mother and wife. Investing her abilities in raising children is very time consuming but is a tremendous zechus for her! The Gemara goes so far as to tell us that the zechus of a woman is greater than the zechus of a man. Why is that? Because on occasion a man will do a certain mitzvah for the sake of kavod, in order to gain prestige. Women, however, don't have any chance to show off, as they are always in their homes and tending to important things. It is for this reason that the zechus of a woman is greater than that of a man, and it therefore stands to reason that a man has to work much harder in order to be found zocheh in the eyes of Hashem. Now, of course, a woman is considered kadosh, holy; every Jew is a kadosh. But she has a different role than a man, and she must realize that. Don't try to be an Orthodox feminist and do all of the same things that men do! Your job is to be a kosher Jewish woman who serves Hashem in the way that He intended! You must get married, have children, and raise them in the derech haTorah that they should grow to be decent frum Jews! What a tremendous accomplishment that would be! If you do this, you will one day sit on a golden throne in Gan Eden and reap a reward that is no less than any man! Just do it the way a woman is supposed to do it, that's all. Just remember: A man puts on a yarmulke or a hat in order to resemble a Kohen who served Hashem in the Beis Hamikdash. A woman also has a beis hamikdash - her home. In that beis hamikdash, she needn't wear a yarmulke - her snood is good enough! This is a woman's role in mamleches kohanim, and it is Hakadosh Baruch Hu's assurance that if a woman serves Him like she is supposed to, she will receive as great a share in Olam Haba as any man.

Rabbi Avigdor Miller Speaks, pp. 271-3

Maharal Deroshos Al Hatorah 27

"However, from this aspect the men need to toil and struggle in Torah without rest night and day. This is why the verse says “tell the sons of Israel,” a phrasing harsh like sinews (the root of the word sinew is related to the word to tell) that invokes the great toil (of Torah study). However, the women are spoken to in a gentle language because they don’t need this so much. Nevertheless, they (the women) are better fit for the divine reward due to their tranquility."

Q&A: Thursday Nights with Rabbi Miller

Q: If tzitizis and teffillin are so beneficial, why don't women use them? And what do they have instead?

A: The truth. is women do have it, because when men put tzitzis and tefillin, they're not putting it on for themselves. That’s absolutely not true. Every father puts on tzitzis and tefllin for all of his children and for his wife, too. There's no question that tzitzis and tefillin are the property of the Am Yisroel. But, more precisely, the family shares in all the mitzvos. So while he's putting on tzitzis and tefillin in the shull, let's say, and his wife is taking care of the children at home, somebody has to remain at home - he couldn't go to the synagogue if she weren't home. There's no question that it’s her tzitzis and her tefillin. That's the way to understand it. It's silly otherwise! And when he comes to study Torah in the evening, who will babysit? And, therefore, she has one hundred percent partnership in all that the does.

Q&A: Thursday Nights with Rabbi Miller, pp. 189-190.

Is there a difference between the neshamah of a man and a woman?

Is there a difference between the neshamah of a man and a woman?

When it comes to the actual makeup of the neshamah there's no difference, whatsoever. But when it comes to a person's role in perfecting that neshamah, Hakadosh Baruch Hu has given each individual a different way and opportunity to go about doing so. For example, when a woman gets married and dedicates her life to her family, to someone other than herself, she is transforming her very nature. If a mother would retain her selfishness, it would be impossible for her to function successfully in her role. She has her children to worry about; sometimes they may not be feeling well, and it is she who will be responsible for tending to them. She has to prepare food for her family, and they rely upon her for many other things as well. She has to carry a child within her and eventually nurse that child. In short, she has dedicated her life to others. But in order for a mother to be able to perfect her neshamah, she mustn't merely do "acts of kindness" like the gentiles do. Rather, her chessed should be with the intention of serving Hashem! This brings Hakadosh Baruch Hu a great amount of satisfaction, and He therefore exclaims, "By assisting others, you are helping My people and serving Me in a form that is most desirous." Imagine what a great accomplishment it is to bring up future servants of Hashem! This is what Chavah exclaimed when she bore Kayin, "Kanisi ish es Hashem," I have acquired a man - a son - not alone, but with Hashem! Giving birth to children and then raising them so that they will one day be servants of Hashem is an extremely important achievement for her neshamah, and it goes a long way in earning it the perfection that it needs. A woman is not expected to devote her hours to Torah learning, nor is she expected to meditate upon Torah ideas. She can certainly do so if she wishes, but her main area of achievement will be in transforming her neshamah through acts of chessed intended to benefit Hashem's people. A man, however, has to perfect his neshamah in a different way. While a man neither gives birth to children nor nurses babies, there are still multitudes of ways through which he can earn perfection. A man must go to work to earn a living, and there are very many nisyonos that he will encounter throughout his day. An entire section of Shulchan Aruch was written to deal with the laws that apply when one has to compete with another for a livelihood! There's a very great perfection a man can acquire when out making a living! Of course a man is also required to dedicate a part of his day to Torah learning, and other mitzvos that a woman wouldn’t have time to perform because of her day to day responsibilities. We see, therefore, that a man and woman secure perfection for their respective neshamahs in different ways.

Rabbi Avidgor Miller Speaks, pp. 245-246.