Whose Day is More Spiritual

The woman does chesed all day long. The man tries to make money in a yucky, competitive office. Whose day is more spiritual? According to the contemporary notion of mitzvos as fixers of spiritual deficiencies, does this mean that the woman is less spiritual and needs all day mitzvos to fix herself up? The lies crash in on each other once again.

The lies all crash into each other.

How can one say simultaneously that women are exempt from positive time bound commandments because they are spiritually superior to men and that the women's role is just as holy as the men's? If you are going to say that women don't need the mitzvos then their role must be a less holy one, almost by definition. In other words, men need these mitzvos for a boost. Thus, the woman's job is not as spiritual as it doesn't give a boost. Thus, to tell women that their role is just as spiritual conflicts with the idea that they are more spiritual and don't "need" the boost. Now you see why they want to put on tefillin. This is where flattery gets you. The lies all crash into each other.

The fact is that while women don't do positive time bound commandments they do something else: chesed. Doesn't chesed produce spirituality? It's not as if the women go and play tennis.

אגרות משה (אורח חיים ו:ב.ה)

אגרות משה (אורח חיים ו:ב.ה): מעיר על מה שפירש רש"י שאשה שפחה לבעלה כעבד
 ]ועיין ברש"י [מנחות מג:] שפירש בפירוש ראשון על הקושיא היינו אשה, דאשה נמי שפחה לבעלה כעבד לרבו. ולולא דמסתפינא הייתי אומר שצריך למחקו דח"ו לרש"י לומר דברי הבל כזה, דמן התורה הא ליכא שום שעבוד על האשה לבעלה חוץ מתשמיש, ולענין תשמיש הוא משועבד לה יותר דהא עליו איכא גם איסור לאו, ורבנן שתיקנו שמעשה ידיה לבעלה הא  כנגד זה חייב במזונות ואינה מחוייבת לעשות רק עניני הבית ולא עבודת שדה ומעט עשיה בצמר שהיא מלאכה קלה ממלאכות שדרכן של בנות העיר בזה, עיין בש"ע אהע"ז ריש סיי פ,' והמזונות מחוייב שלא לגרוע מכפי דרך משפחתה ודרך משפחתו ובכל אופן  לא פחות מכפי שהוא אוכל, וכן שמחוייב בכסות לפי  מנהג בנות העיר ולפי דרך המשפחות שלו ושלה  דעולה עמו ואינה יורדת עמו ומחוייב לכבדה ואינו  יכול לילך מביתו בלא רשותה רק למלאכתו הידוע לה,  והבעל אדרבה מחוייב לעשות כל המלאכות שצריך האדם לפרנסה כלשון שתיקנו לכתוב בכתובה, ואף להשכיר עצמו סברי התוסי בשם רי אליהו בכתובות  דף ס"ג ד"ה באומר שהוא מחוייב, ונמצא שאדרבה  הוא יותר עבד לה מכפי שהיא שפחתו

Some Issues with the book Why Should I Stand Behind the Mechitzah if I Could Be a Prayer Leader?

This Shabbos I came across the book "Why Should I Stand Behind the Mechitzah if I Could Be a Prayer Leader?" Certainly, explaining Torah to non-observant woman is a daunting task, one that gets harder by the decade no doubt. The author is to commended for her efforts and the many interesting ideas in the book.

However, I did want to comment on the explanation offered for the exemption of women from time bound commandments. I realize that it has become common in kiruv world to explain men's obligation in those commandments as being due to spiritual deficiency in men, but this appears to conflict with classic sources on the matter. R' Moshe Feinstein explains that obligation in commandments stems from one's possession of holiness. He notes that men and women are equal in holiness and that women have the necessary holiness to be obligated. However, the Torah exempts them for reasons of household duties. (Igros Moshe, Orach Chaim, IV, 49)

The book cites the reason of taking care of children in the name of the Abudraham. The Abrudraham actually says that the Torah exempts the woman to make peace between her and her husband. Since the wife is in the husband's domain, he could direct her to household activities that conflict with the performance of those mitzvos. Just as Hashem allows his name to be erased for the sake of peace in the matter of the Sotah waters, He allows the exemption from mitzvos for peace in the home. Raising children may be part of the reason, but the larger part is being under the authority of the husband, a part of a Torah view of marriage that the book in general appears not to recognize.

The book also cites the Maharal as saying that men are obligated in Torah study and mitzvos to combat their aggressiveness. The Maharal actually doesn't mention mitzvos in his comments on male aggressiveness. He only mentions Torah study. (Drosh Al HaTorah 27) Certainly, combating male aggressiveness is not the only reason for Torah study. It's one reason. As for mitzvos, the Maharal says that men are obligated because they are more spiritual than women. He explains this using the philosophical concepts of tzurah and chomer. Tzurah is spiritual form. Chomer is physicality. Spiritual form gives spiritual shape to physicality. The Maharal compares the male to tzurah and the female to chomer. As the positive time-bound commandments also constitute tzurah, men are obligated in them. (Tiferes Israel 4) Elsewhere, the Maharal says that mitzvos are a reflection of Hashem. Since men are more b'tzelem Elokim, they are obligated in more mitzvos. (Chidushei Agados, Makkos 23b) I don't recommend sharing these comments of the Maharal with the public. However, if you are going to present his reasons for the obligation of men and the exemption of women, these are the reasons he gives.

The book did not give the reason of the Magen Avraham. He says that women are exempt because their yetzer tov is smaller and if obligated they likely would not comply. (Zi'es Ra'anan on Yalkut Shimoni, Shmuel 1:1).

In my estimation, the explanations of 20th century gadolim are best fit for the contemporary public. They include R' Moshe Feinstein, the Lubavitcher Rebbe, and R' Avidgor Miller. All say that men and women are equal and the exemption is due to our having different roles. While this book in some places describes men and women as being equal (which is better than many English books on this topic) it resorts to apologetics and the disparaging portrayal men in its explanation of the exemption, as I have tried to explain. So while the book makes a noble effort to move people from feminism to Torah, it does fall short in this regard.

The book offers also a peculiar presentation of obligations regarding marital relations. The book says that neither sex may punish the other by withholding sex but that there is not an obligation on the woman similar to onah. This is not correct. While the Torah obligation of onah falls only on the man, the Rambam says that not only should the wife not punish him by withholding but that she should respond to him "whenever he wants." (Hilchos Ishos 15:18). I think it's fair to surmise that the Torah makes a specific commandment regarding women's sexual needs because they can be quite subtle. A man's are so obvious that a commandment is not necessary. However, a male's need is in many respects a more serious matter since the male is burdened with the difficult issur against spilling seed, a sin the kitzur Shulchan Aruch calls the worst of a sins.

According to Your Will

“You have made me according to Your Will. That means I have a great function in life. Someday I’ll be a mother, I’ll raise up Jewish children, I’ll be a creator of human lives to serve Hashem.”

R’ Avigdor Miller, Q&A 2 (Columbus Publications, 2013) p. 265.

Step down a step to marry a wife

“Step down a step to marry a wife (Yevomos 63a) as follows: “It means it’s advisable that your wife should always look up to you.” That’s why Hakodosh Boruch Hu made women shorter than men, that’s the truth. Now, in order that your wife should look up to you, you have to be superior to your wife. Suppose your wife comes from a big, aristocratic family, and you're from a family of nobodies, it’s going to haunt you all your life; she might bring it up too. Therefore it’s better to marry somebody who is less aristocratic.”

Thursday Nights with Rabbi Miller, Vol. 2, p. 336, tape #491.

Q. Why Don’t Girls Wear Yarmulkas?

Q. Why Don’t Girls Wear Yarmulkas?

A. Let me ask you: Why do men wear yarmulkes? The answer is because Hakadosh Baruch Hu declared, "Atem tehiyu Ii mamleches kohanim ve'goy kadosh," the Jewish people is to be a nation of exalted Kohanim. As we are well aware, a cap was among the four begadim that the Kohanim were required to wear; it was called a para hamigvaos. It is for this reason that we, too, wear yarmulkes and hats on our heads - to remind ourselves that we are a nation of Kohanim. In ancient times, it wasn't necessary to wear a yarmulke, for little time had elapsed since Hashem had uttered His eternal declaration. Each and every Jew identified fully with this concept and viewed himself as a Kohen. But as the generations progressed and hundreds of years passed by, there were some Jews that began to forget their status as Kohanim. On account of this, Jews began to place yarmulkes on their heads as reminders. In the morning, we recite the berachah "Oter Yisrael be'tifarah," thanking Hashem for crowning us with splendor. This berachah refers to the head coverings worn by Jewish men. Notice that the words tifarah and "para" migvaos share the same root. This is because the yarmulkes and hats that we don each day are meant to be reminders of our status as Kohanim and servants of Hashem! By wearing a yarmulke we show that we are yirei Shamayim and loyal servants of Hakadosh Baruch Hu.

It is important for girls to know that leadership rests in the hands of their husbands. This is a very important lesson! Let us think about this for a moment: As we know, men are commanded to perform mitzvos asei she'haz'man grama, time-bound mitzvos. Women, on the other hand, are not required to perform these mitzvos. What is the reason for this difference? The answer is that women have other important obligations to tend to, which exempt her from these commandments. A woman must know that she is a briah shel chessed, she has been created for the purpose of performing chessed. Being a wife and mother is a very significant role, and it requires her to be selfless and totally dedicated to performing chessed! It takes a woman's entire effort to succeed in being an efficient mother and wife. Investing her abilities in raising children is very time consuming but is a tremendous zechus for her! The Gemara goes so far as to tell us that the zechus of a woman is greater than the zechus of a man. Why is that? Because on occasion a man will do a certain mitzvah for the sake of kavod, in order to gain prestige. Women, however, don't have any chance to show off, as they are always in their homes and tending to important things. It is for this reason that the zechus of a woman is greater than that of a man, and it therefore stands to reason that a man has to work much harder in order to be found zocheh in the eyes of Hashem. Now, of course, a woman is considered kadosh, holy; every Jew is a kadosh. But she has a different role than a man, and she must realize that. Don't try to be an Orthodox feminist and do all of the same things that men do! Your job is to be a kosher Jewish woman who serves Hashem in the way that He intended! You must get married, have children, and raise them in the derech haTorah that they should grow to be decent frum Jews! What a tremendous accomplishment that would be! If you do this, you will one day sit on a golden throne in Gan Eden and reap a reward that is no less than any man! Just do it the way a woman is supposed to do it, that's all. Just remember: A man puts on a yarmulke or a hat in order to resemble a Kohen who served Hashem in the Beis Hamikdash. A woman also has a beis hamikdash - her home. In that beis hamikdash, she needn't wear a yarmulke - her snood is good enough! This is a woman's role in mamleches kohanim, and it is Hakadosh Baruch Hu's assurance that if a woman serves Him like she is supposed to, she will receive as great a share in Olam Haba as any man.

Rabbi Avigdor Miller Speaks, pp. 271-3