I came across the book "A Non-Orthodox Jews's Guide to Orthodox Jews" this Shabbos. While I enjoyed some of the insights, I was taken aback by the section on women.
The approach there seem to be that insulting men as much as possible would attract women to Torah. I find that strange because Orthodox Judaism is run by men, so why would a woman want to join a religion lead by superficial, violent, unstable cretins? One also wonders if the author considered how the words might affect men? Is a man going to be inspired to radically change his life and heap upon it vast restrictions all for the reason that he needs it because he is so low? Reading the words, it seemed that the author doesn't view men as being b'zelem elokim. It really was alarming. I would ask based on the presentation if the author is a man, should he writing a book? Why should we listen to him?
Another problem with the section was the logic itself. Are men really more concerned with appearances than women? When it comes to aesthetics for sexual attraction, yes. But otherwise men hardly care about appearances at all. Do men judge the looks of each other as women do? Do men care what your apartment looks like? The eyes of the typical woman are all over the place. During Chasunah planning, who is caught up with the superficiality the men or the women? He could just as easily have said, upon a marital engagement, the man gets a set of Gemara, the woman gets a diamond. So who is the shallow one there? What I am saying is that the author seem to have started with a prejudice and found examples to support it rather than looking at the full range of human conduct.
Consider the example of library visits, that women go more. Women take the kids, that's the main reason they go. And when women get books, it's usually romantic novels and the like. I have spent a fair amount of time in libraries over the years. The hardcore books are beyond gender. There are deep men and deep women, smart men and smart women. The generalizations are off-putting if only for the weak logic. It's a chilul Hashem to be so simplistic.
As for representing Chazal as saying that women are more spiritual, there one has to use sources and the author did not. This idea that women are more spiritual than men in Torah thought is a myth. The Baal Magen Avraham says that women are exempt from time bound mitzvos because the woman's yetzer tov is smaller. (See Zies Ra'anan, Yalkut Shimoni, Shmuel 1:1) The Maharal says in many places that men are more spiritual and are on a higher plane. (Tiferes Yisrael 4 and 28, Derech Chaim on "more wives more witchcraft") The Gemara says one who goes about in the counsel of his wife goes to gehenim. (Baba M. 59a) R' Moshe Feinstein says that we are equally holy. He also says that we have mitzvos because of our holiness and not the reverse. So why are women exempt from some of the them, to raise the kids. (Igros Moshe, Orach Chaim IV, 49 and Darash Moshe, Volume II, p. 154, Vayikra, Kedoshim) R' Joseph Soloveitchik says once you say both sexes are created in G-d's image, you can't say one is better than the other. The Rav Thinking Aloud on the Parsha, Sefer Bamidbar, pp. 142-3
What about Sarah? R' Avigdor Miller says that Avraham was her rebbe. Her prophecy was higher because his was affected by being out in public. The Netziv says his prophecy was higher and the midrash was talking about ruach hakodesh, which is affected by being out in public. Tape 412, True Modesty, 1:10:25
What about other positive statements of Chazal about women? They are positive statements pointing out positive aspects. But we shouldn't get carried away with them. Each sex has its good and bad.
I want to suggest that the author look deeper and think deeper into this topic and the ramifications of his approach. Think what it does to marriages if the wife looks at the man as if he is a nonspiritual wild animal. I think what this book has done is project a feminist anti-male bias onto the Torah where it winds up more toxic than the secular anti-male bias.
Better to just say we are equal but different.
Other authorities that either explicitly or implicitly contradict the notion of generally higher spirituality in the female include Rambam, Mishnah Horarios 3:7; Tur, Orach Chaim 46; Akeidas Yitzchak, Bereishis 6; Bartenura, Mishnah Horarios 3:7; Taz, Orach Chaim 46; Zies Ra'anan (Magen Avraham), Yalkut Shemoni, Shmuel 1:1; Vilna Gaon, Even Shelaima 1:8; Baal Shevet Musar, Midrash Talpiyos, Ohs Aleph, Anaf Isha; Rav Tzadock Rabinowitz, Dover Tzedeck, p. 119; R' Avraham Yitzchak Kook, Olas Re'iah, Birchos ha-shachar; R' Moshe Feinstein, Iggeros Moshe, Orach Chaim IV, 49; R' Joseph B. Soloveitchik, Man of Faith in the Modern World, (Hoboken, NJ: Ktav, 1989), p. 84; Lubavitcher Rebbe, Sichos in English, Iyar-Tammuz 5744, Vol. 21, pp. 69-72; R' Avigdor Miller, Rabbi Avigdor Miller Speaks, (Brooklyn, NY: Mesorah), pp. 245-246 .
Rav Moshe Feinstein on holiness being a precondition for the commandments
The mitzvah of You shall be holy, which is followed by a recitation of several of the fundamental mitzvos, is not of the same type as the mitzvos that follow it. This mitzvah means that every Jew should realize that he is sanctified with the holiness of the Jew, and it is only because of that holiness that we were given the Torah and obligated to do the mitzvos. As I have often written, mitzvos cannot be fulfilled properly unless the doer has the holiness of the Jew. The Kohanim, who have additional mitzvos, must have the particular holiness of Kohanim. This is why we make a blessing before mitzvos and say, "Who has sanctified us with His mitzvos"; and Kohanim, before doing mitzvos that are limited to Kohanim, say, "Who has sanctified us with the sanctity of Aharon." The expression "Who has sanctified us with His mitzvos" should not be misunderstood as meaning that mitzvos are the source of the sanctity. It is self-understood that the sanctity the blessing refers to is the underlying sanctity of every Jew -- that which enables us to fulfill the mitzvos.
Rav Moshe Feinstein, zt'l, Darash Moshe, Volume II, p. 154, Vayikra, Kedoshim
Rabbi Avigdor Miller, Tape 412, True Modesty, 1:10:25
Question: We see in the case of Rabbi Akiva that a woman can affect the man. How is the reverse and to what extent?
Is the question can a man affect a woman? Certainly. Certainly. What do you think made Sarah great? Here Sarah became a great naviah. כֹּל אֲשֶׁר תֹּאמַר אֵלֶיךָ שָׂרָה, שְׁמַע בְּקֹלָה Avraham was told listen to Sarah. And Avraham is called a tefel b'navuah to Sarah. That doesn't mean Avraham was less. Avraham was a bigger navi. Only Avraham was always in the street arguing with people. And when you argue you get excited so the schinah is not always able to rest on you. Sarah was magayeres es hanashim in her own home . So Sarah lived a tranquil life and therefore the navuah could come upon her more frequently. But Sarah was the result of Avraham's tutelage. Avraham was her rebbe, no question.
“The Chumash in Bereishis says that when God created man בצלם אלקים ברא אתם . Man and woman were created in the Image of God. Equality was taken for granted. If two personae were created in the image of God, you cannot say one is superior to the other.” (The Rav Thinking Aloud on the Parsha, Sefer Bamidbar, pp. 142-3)
