What factors should a man look for in a girl in deciding whether to marry her? r miller

 

QUESTION:   What factors should a man look for in a girl in deciding whether to marry her?

ANSWER: I spoke about this about a dozen times, so I'll say it briefly again just to please this person.      First of all, she has to be a girl that agrees with his opinions. She has to be m'kabel Ol Malchus Shamayim, she wants to live a frum Jewish life. Never marry with the intention and the hope of changing her – forget about it.      Secondly, she has to be a girl that's healthy – physically and mentally; and in case you're not, you can't be choosy. If you are physically and mentally healthy, then watch out! Be careful whom you marry.      Thirdly, she has to have good character; a good character is very rare – very rare. You'll think she has good character, you'll know better a little later. However do the best you can, ascertain her character. Ask the teachers in the Bais Yaakov School that she attended; sometimes they'll tell you part of the truth. If they say very enthusiastically, so deduct 90%, and it might be worth marrying her. If they're not enthusiastic, and just say she's a fine girl, then forget about it.      If possible, she should come from a good family, because a family in the background has a big influence. If it's not the right kind of a family, then who knows what's going to happen to your children? You want to have good grandparents if possible, good uncles and aunts if possible. So if she could come from a good family, it's worthwhile, too.      It's very important to marry a girl from the same environment as you come from. That's why marry a girl who's in the same country, don't marry a girl from another country. Sometimes it's successful, but there's always a strain on the marriage; always. A man and a woman are two different nationalities; the gemara says that a man and a woman are really two different nations, Noshim am b'fnei atzmom heim (Shabbos 60A). And to put more of a strain on that is not necessary.      So always marry people from the same background. They have the same interests, they have the same kind of food they eat, the same customs; that makes it easier to remain married successfully. It's a very important point.

How Do Women Achieve Perfection?

 How Do Women Achieve Perfection?

“Greater is the assurance which the Holy One blessed be He gave to women, more than to the men.” (Brachos 17A).

Greater is the assurance which the Holy One blessed be He gave to women, more than to the men.” (Brachos 17A).

Men have more tests to undergo, and more complicated responsibilities. In addition, men are more readily motivated by the desire for glory, whereas “the tranquil women and the trusting daughters” (ibid.) seek no fame and compete with no one. The Jewish wife and mother can more readily achieve her destiny through her home, and she can most successfully find favor in G-d's sight by cherishing the womanly virtues of humility, patience, peace and trust in G-d’s providence. — Awake, My Glory

Lub. Rebbe - Sarah

  (בראשית כא:יב)

G-d said to Abraham, “ . . . Whatever Sarah tells you, heed her voice.” Genesis 21:12

The more attuned a prophet is to the affairs of this world, the greater his or her degree of prophecy. Since Abraham was somewhat detached from worldly matters, he could not perceive Ishmael’s true negativity. Sarah, in contrast, was more involved in worldly matters, so she readily was able to perceive Ishmael’s evil. Her prophetic vision was therefore superior to Abraham’s.

Furthermore, we are taught that in the Messianic Era, the feminine aspect of creation will rise above the masculine. Abraham’s and Sarah’s spiritual refinement was so lofty that it enabled them to experience a foretaste of the Messianic Era. For this reason, too, Sarah’s prophetic vision was superior to Abraham’s.

Nowadays, as we approach the Messianic Era, all of us can welcome the flowering of feminine power in the world, acknowledging that women’s more intense experience of physical life grants them a higher level of spiritual insight than that given to men.1

FOOTNOTES
1.	Likutei Sichot, vol. 1, p. 31.

Rav Avigdor Miller on Light Headed Women Save The Day

 Rav Avigdor Miller on Light Headed Women Save The Day

Q:

How is the statement nashim daatan kalos, that women have light minds, explained?

A:

And the answer is that women are not stubborn. And it’s a wonder, it’s a miracle that they’re not. Because why should she marry you? You propose to her – what do you have to offer? Many times it’s a miracle that any man gets married. You look at his face and listen to him talk, and you’re surprised that he got married. But he found some foolish girl who took him. Almost every fool finds a foolish woman that accepts him. And that’s nashim daatan kalos, women are light headed. 

And even after they married, they’re light headed in the sense that even though sometimes they’re wronged, sometimes they’re insulted, but it's not so hard to win over an angry wife. To win over an angry husband is a more difficult job. Men are more stubborn and women are more yielding. That’s what it means; their minds are lighter – they’re more yielding. And it’s a very great advantage in the family because when there are quarrels, it’s usually the woman who takes the first step to placate the husband.  Otherwise, when you have an embittered woman, a stubborn woman, so you know you’re headed for divorce. It’s a great blessing that woman are daatan kalos. 

Now, it doesn’t mean in a negative sense, that their minds are lightheaded, that they don’t have sense. In a certain sense it’s the opposite – the gemara says that bina yeseira nitna lenashim, that women have a stronger understanding; they can have intuition in certain areas where many men will do foolish things, dangerous things, and even risk their parnasa and sometimes their lives, whereas a woman sees through it right away. 

Here is a man who got a bump on his car from somebody driving behind him. So he gets out bristling and shouting. But he made a mistake because now there comes out from the other car a very big man. But he wants to maintain his bluff, so he raises his fists. And his wife sees that there’s tzaros. So his wife screams and drags him back to the car.

Now, that’s the worst thing that could be; it’s a big shame for him to retreat. But his wife is pulling him, so he acts like he’s yielding to her and he gratefully climbs back into the car. You see this always on the street. Because with a little bit of common sense a woman can look through all the falsehood of men’s artificial lives. To him, to win the battle of staring him down, that’s more important than saving his life. But to her, to save him from getting being beaten up is more important than winning the staring battle. That’s what it means nashim daatan kalos.

TAPE # 427