Rav Avigdor Miller on Bas Mitzvahs and Holy Women

Toras Avigdor



Rav Avigdor Miller on Bas Mitzvahs and Holy Women
Q:
Why don't we make a bas-mitzvah for a girl, the same way we make a bar-mitzvah for a boy?

A:
I will tell you one of the reasons. And this is an important reason. The derech ha'Torah is to keep women undercover. The idea that women should come out in public more than required and  be on display - even a young girl - is not the derech ha'Torah. It can't be helped. We will not be foolish and ignore human nature. The nations of the world are doing their best to ignore human nature and they're suffering terribly because of that. There must be a separation between the two genders. להתרחק מן הנשים, to keep separate from women, is an ideal. Not because of any chisaron, chas v'shalom, in women. Women can be even greater than men in the eyes of Hashem. And often they are! But they have to keep away from men. And men have to keep away from women.

So at a boy's bar-mitzvah, he comes to shul, everybody's listening to him, looking at him. He's on display. It's not good for a girl to be looked at too much. The less they see of her, the better we off we all are. It can't be helped. Men have a drive which women don't have. Men are more easily excited than women are. That's why men have to be especially careful not to have women around them.

Any woman who walks in the street with her body exposed is going to pay a very big price for that. She's going to be punished terribly for what she has done to men. If she walks in the street exposing her body to men a great punishment will fall upon her. She doesn't realize how expensive that outfit really was. And that's because men are sensitive. It can't be helped. That's their nature. And therefore Hakodosh Boruch Hu says that there should be a great mechitza between men and women forever and ever. And that's the kedusha of the Am Yisroel. We are separate.

That doesn't in any way, chas ve'shalom, reflect anything about the Jewish women. Jewish women are kodosh kodoshim just like the Jewish men are kodesh kodoshim. And the Gemara says that in a certain sense women are more fortunate than men. Why? Because they sit at home and don't look for kavod like men. They don't fight about who gets shishi. They're at home and because of their nature it's easier for them to avoid many things that cause men nisyonos.

And therefore the Jewish woman is just as holy as the Jewish man. No question about it. And in Gan Eden they are considered no less than men. No less than men at all! Only that in this world we have to separate because that is the derech ha'Torah. That is the Am Yisroel. That is the Holy Nation.
TAPE E-191

Whence Lady Rabbis?

Orthodox rabbis everywhere are condemning Open Orthodoxy and its call for lady rabbis and other engagement by females in halachically prescribed and traditional male activity like reading from the Torah and the wearing of tzitzis and tefillin. However, many of these very same rabbis bear responsibility for encouraging this new trend by teaching that women are more spiritual than men.

The teaching that women are more spiritual than men implies that a man's role is more spiritual than a woman's. How so? One can reasonably ask, if women are more spiritual, shouldn't they be the rabbis and spiritual leaders of the home? So apologists like to say, the men "catch up" via Torah study, tefillin, and other positive time-bound commandments to which women are exempt. However, in order to catch up the man's day must be more spiritual than the woman's or he'd never catch up. Thus, according to that logic, taking care of the home and the children really is a less spiritual path.

But isn't this precisely what we didn't want the women to conclude? See where dishonesty gets you? No wonder we have women today that want to be rabbis and wear tefillin. Rabbis condemn them, but these women are in many respects products of what they have been taught by some of those very same rabbis. These women want to be spiritual. And they have been taught that the man's role is more spiritual.

Why do I call the apologetics dishonesty? Because there are no Torah sources that teach them. R' Samson R. Hirsch is most commonly cited. But one has to read his words carefully. He says only that the Torah “did not consider them necessary to be demanded from women” in part because they have “more faithful enthusiasm for their God-serving calling.” (Vayikra 23, Levy trans.) People get lost on his use of the word "necessary." A Levi doesn't need to do Birchos Cohanim. Only the Kohen, who has more holiness, has that “need.” The woman doesn't “need” those mitzvos for her role. But she doesn't have the man's role. You can't mix and match. R' Hirsch also say that "The male sex is zachar, it is the depository of the Divine revelations and the spiritual attainments of the human race. To it has been entrusted the zicharon, the tradition of the human race as it has developed, in him is formed the spiritual chain which links together the beginning and the end of the human race. (JE, Vol. 2; CW, Vol. VIII, "The Jewish Woman") This is not something you'd want to assign to the less spiritual person. Rav Hirsch also says in many places that men and women are equal in their spiritual levels even as their roles are different. Example:

"In the word איש and אשה. (man and a female man I.L.) lay the guarantee for the equality in rank and mutually complementing calling of Man and Woman. As long as man and woman were איש and אשה. there was no need for man to be emancipated from woman nor woman from man, neither could make the other into a slave nor yet into a god or goddess. The first who altered this designation - as indeed our sages remark, in no other language are man and woman designated by words coming from the same root and so regarded from the same trend of thought – brought it about that one man would yoke his woman to the plough while the other would throw himself at her feet." (R' Samson Raphael Hirsch, Genesis 11 :58)

As for other commentators, the Maharal says in many places that men are more spiritual than women (Tiferes Yisroel 28, Derech Chaim 1:5, Chidushei Agados Makkos 23b, Gur Aryeh, Vayikra 12:2 ) and says that women are exempt from positive time-bound commandments for this reason (Chidushei Agados Makkos 23b). The Baal Magen Avraham says women are exempt from positive time-bound commandments because their yetzer tov is smaller. (Zies Ra'anan on Yalkut Shemoni, Shmuel 1:1).

May we suggest that going forward we teach simply that men and women are equal in spiritual levels but different in roles? So taught the great leaders of our era Rav Moshe Feinstein, the Lubavitcher Rebbe, R' Joseph Soloveitchik, and R' Avigdor Miller.

R' Feinstein said that every mention of holiness in the Chumash refers to both men and women, telling us that the two genders are equal in holiness. The exemption of women from positive time-bound commandments is as the word says an exemption so that she can engage in child rearing and chesed. (Igros Moshe, Orach Chaim IV #49) R' Feinstein writes elsewhere:

"...every Jew should realize that he is sanctified with the holiness of the Jew, and it is only because of that holiness that we were given the Torah and obligated to do the mitzvos. As I have often written, mitzvos cannot be fulfilled properly unless the doer has the holiness of the Jew. The Kohanim, who have additional mitzvos, must have the particular holiness of Kohanim....The expression "Who has sanctified us with His mitzvos" should not be misunderstood as meaning that mitzvos are the source of the sanctity. It is self-understood that the sanctity the blessing refers to is the underlying sanctity of every Jew -- that which enables us to fulfill the mitzvos." (Darash Moshe, Volume II, p. 154, Vayikra, Kedoshim)

Thus, we should not say that men are not unholy until they do the mitzvos because their holiness is what obligates them in those mitzvos. Women also are holy, only they are exempt from certain mitzvos so that they can do other mitzvos. It's not that the women are less holy and not that they are more holy.

R' Soloveitchik said:

"The foremost distinguishing characteristic bestowed upon man is his Divine image, his tzelem Elohim, which denotes particular qualitative endowments, such as a moral sense, free will, and intellect. Man partakes of these attributes within human limitations, while God's representation of these qualities is absolute. Maimonides embodied man's likeness to God primarily in terms of his intellect (Guide 1: 1). This Divine gift was given to both men and women. 'And God created man with His image. In the image of God, He created him; male and female He created them.' (Gen. 1:27). In their spiritual natures, they were equally worthy." (Man of Faith in the Modern World, p. 84).

The Lubavitcher Rebbe said that when a husband (or future husband) does those mitzvos, he does them on behalf of his wife. She is affected by his actions. (Sichos in English, Iyar-Tammuz 5744, Vol. 21, pp. 69-72)

R' Miller says that the father performs those special mitzvos on behalf of the whole family (Q&A: Thursday Nights with Rabbi Miller, pp. 189-190) and that

"As we know, men are commanded to perform mitzvos asei she'haz'man grama, time-bound mitzvos. Women, on the other hand, are not required to perform these mitzvos. What is the reason for this difference? The answer is that women have other important obligations to tend to, which exempt her from these commandments. A woman must know that she is a briah shel chessed, she has been created for the purpose of performing chessed. Being a wife and mother is a very significant role, and it requires her to be selfless and totally dedicated to performing chessed! It takes a woman's entire effort to succeed in being an efficient mother and wife. Investing her abilities in raising children is very time consuming but is a tremendous zechus for her!" (Rabbi Avigdor Miller Speaks, p. 272)

Nobody is spiritually superior. That's the way for this generation to think of it. Let us note how the sages of our generation handle it and follow their lead. Otherwise, to quote a gentile writer "O, what a tangled web we weave when first we practise to deceive!" (Walter Scott)

more boys than girls

The statistics are in for the year of 2016 with regards to the Israeli birthrate, and unsurprisingly the Chareidim are leading once again. Some 181,405 babies were born in 2016, an increase of 92 percent since 1980. 93,364 of those babies were boys making up 51.5 pecent of the total, while the other 48.5 percent at 88,041 were girls.

https://www.theyeshivaworld.com/news/israel-news/1488508/birthrate-in-israel-increases-charedim-at-head-of-the-pack.html

radical Modern Orthodox activist crowd

There will be exceptions but I wouldn't expect any dialogue with these people. Many are ideologues on these issues. And as R' Berel Wein puts it "You should never argue with an ideologue because his is always right." The moment you even attempt to discuss marriage or divorce with an eye towards justice or decency for men they lose it. They are coming from a secular perspective that the Torah is bad for women and just wonderful for men in every way and they must do everything in their power to correct that. And any man who ever, ever for a second advocates for himself or for his kids is obviously a monster and a demon to be shunned and shamed. The logic is simply that since men have it great then any attempt to advocate for any man in any situation is obviously an act of patriarchy and an initiative for even more male domination. They are quite sure of this so there's nothing to discuss and certainly not with the likes of you. Interestingly the men are much more vehement than the women, who for the most part are more reasonable if a bit hysterical. Even though their group allegedly works for social justice it really only considers social justice for certain types of people. White Jewish males aren't considered. Again, they take their queues from secular liberalism. If you put the words men and rights in the same sentence you trigger the kinds of reactions that the word feminism did 75 years ago. My suggestion is that you look at radical Modern Orthodox advocacy groups as a different religion. Dealing with them is the equivalent of ecumenical dialogue. Would you debate Orthodox Jewish marriage with a Christian? Would you discuss it with a Reconstructionist Jew? There are tremendous rifts in the Orthodox world today and it seems more and more that the different sides should just stay away from other. They need a divorce. Hopefully, the radical Modern Orthodox activist crowd will not withhold the get.

a myth

This idea that women are more spiritual than men in Torah thought is a myth. The Baal Magen Avraham says that women are exempt from time bound mitzvos because the woman's yetzer tov is smaller. (See Zies Ra'anan, Yalkut Shimoni, Shmuel 1:1) The Maharal says in many places that men are more spiritual and are on a higher plane. (Tiferes Yisrael 4 and 28, Derech Chaim on "more wives more witchcraft") The Gemara says one who goes about in the counsel of his wife goes to gehenim. (Baba M. 59a) R' Moshe Feinstein says that we are equally holy. He also says that we have mitzvos because of our holiness and not the reverse. So why are women exempt from some of the them, to raise the kids. (Igros Moshe, Orach Chaim IV, 49 and Darash Moshe, Volume II, p. 154, Vayikra, Kedoshim) R' Joseph Soloveitchik says once you say both sexes are created in G-d's image, you can't say one is better than the other. The Rav Thinking Aloud on the Parsha, Sefer Bamidbar, pp. 142-3

What about Sarah? R' Avigdor Miller says that Avraham was her rebbe. Her prophecy was higher because his was affected by being out in public. Tape 412, True Modesty, 1:10:25

The Netziv says his prophecy was higher and the midrash was talking about ruach hakodesh, which is affected by being out in public.

What about other positive statements of Chazal about women? They are positive statements pointing out positive aspects. But we shouldn't get carried away with them. Each sex has its good and bad.
I want to suggest that the author look deeper and think deeper into this topic and the ramifications of his approach. Think what it does to marriages if the wife looks at the man as if he is a nonspiritual wild animal.

Better to just say we are equal but different.

Other authorities that either explicitly or implicitly contradict the notion of generally higher spirituality in the female include Rambam, Mishnah Horarios 3:7; Tur, Orach Chaim 46; Akeidas Yitzchak, Bereishis 6; Bartenura, Mishnah Horarios 3:7; Taz, Orach Chaim 46; Zies Ra'anan (Magen Avraham), Yalkut Shemoni, Shmuel 1:1; Vilna Gaon, Even Shelaima 1:8; Baal Shevet Musar, Midrash Talpiyos, Ohs Aleph, Anaf Isha; Rav Tzadock Rabinowitz, Dover Tzedeck, p. 119; R' Avraham Yitzchak Kook, Olas Re'iah, Birchos ha-shachar; R' Moshe Feinstein, Iggeros Moshe, Orach Chaim IV, 49; R' Joseph B. Soloveitchik, Man of Faith in the Modern World, (Hoboken, NJ: Ktav, 1989), p. 84; Lubavitcher Rebbe, Sichos in English, Iyar-Tammuz 5744, Vol. 21, pp. 69-72; R' Avigdor Miller, Rabbi Avigdor Miller Speaks, (Brooklyn, NY: Mesorah), pp. 245-246 .

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Rav Moshe Feinstein on holiness being a precondition for the commandments

"The mitzvah of You shall be holy, which is followed by a recitation of several of the fundamental mitzvos, is not of the same type as the mitzvos that follow it. This mitzvah means that every Jew should realize that he is sanctified with the holiness of the Jew, and it is only because of that holiness that we were given the Torah and obligated to do the mitzvos. As I have often written, mitzvos cannot be fulfilled properly unless the doer has the holiness of the Jew. The Kohanim, who have additional mitzvos, must have the particular holiness of Kohanim. This is why we make a blessing before mitzvos and say, "Who has sanctified us with His mitzvos"; and Kohanim, before doing mitzvos that are limited to Kohanim, say, "Who has sanctified us with the sanctity of Aharon." The expression "Who has sanctified us with His mitzvos" should not be misunderstood as meaning that mitzvos are the source of the sanctity. It is self-understood that the sanctity the blessing refers to is the underlying sanctity of every Jew -- that which enables us to fulfill the mitzvos."

Rav Moshe Feinstein, zt'l, Darash Moshe, Volume II, p. 154, Vayikra, Kedoshim

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Question: We see in the case of Rabbi Akiva that a woman can affect the man. How is the reverse and to what extent?

Is the question can a man affect a woman? Certainly. Certainly. What do you think made Sarah great? Here Sarah became a great naviah. כֹּל אֲשֶׁר תֹּאמַר אֵלֶיךָ שָׂרָה, שְׁמַע בְּקֹלָה Avraham was told listen to Sarah. And Avraham is called a tefel b'navuah to Sarah.  That doesn't mean Avraham was less. Avraham was a bigger navi. Only Avraham was always in the street arguing with people. And when you argue you get excited so the schinah is not always able to rest on you. Sarah was magayeres es hanashim in her own home . So Sarah lived a tranquil life and therefore the navuah could come upon her more frequently.  But Sarah was the result of Avraham's tutelage. Avraham was her rebbe, no question.

Rabbi Avigdor Miller, Tape 412, True Modesty, 1:10:25

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“The Chumash in Bereishis says that when God created man בצלם אלקים ברא אתם . Man and woman were created in the Image of God. Equality was taken for granted. If two personae were created in the image of God, you cannot say one is superior to the other.” (R' Joseph Soloveitchik, The Rav Thinking Aloud on the Parsha, Sefer Bamidbar, pp. 142-3)

a problem with shiduchim

Question was asked on yeshiva world news if taking a walk is acceptable for a date. Woman writes in

I’m female and in shidduchim. I’ve been on a walk as a first date and was fine with it, but here are some tips:
1. Don’t go if it’s very cold.
2. If you want to go on a walk, tell her that’s the plan before the date so she knows to wear flats instead of heels.
3. Check in the day of the date to make sure she’s still ok with it—like “funnybone” says, she may have had a long day and be too tired.
4. Always offer to stop and buy a drink. You can go into a Duane Reade and buy a soda/water/seltzer. It only takes a few minutes and shows you’re aware of the fact that she’s probably thirsty after walking for a while.

Dating should not be so focused on making sure the girl is so comfy. We all need to toughen up a bit.

chapter 14 rambam

A woman who withholds marital intimacy from her husband is called a moredet ("a rebel"). She is asked why she has rebelled. If she answers: "Because I am repulsed by him and I cannot voluntarily engage in relations with him," her husband should be compelled to divorce her immediately. For she is not like a captive, [to be forced] to engage in relations with one she loathes.14

[In such an instance, as part of] the divorce [settlement], she does not receive any of the money promised her in her ketubah.15 She is entitled to whatever remains of the possessions she brought into the marriage arrangement, both those for which her husband assumed responsibility and those for which he did not assume responsibility - i.e., nichsei m'log.16

She is not entitled to anything that belongs to her husband. She should remove even the shoe on her foot and her head-covering that he gave her and return them to him. [Similarly,] she should return to him any presents that he gave her. For he did not give them to her with the intent that she take them and [leave his home].

ח

האשה שמנעה בעלה מתשמיש המטה היא הנקראת מורדת ושואלין אותה מפני מה מרדה. אם אמרה מאסתיהו ואיני יכולה להבעל לו מדעתי כופין אותו לשעתו לגרשה לפי שאינה כשבויה שתבעל לשנוא לה ותצא בלא כתובה כלל ותטול בלאותיה הקיימין בין מנכסים שהכניסה לבעלה ונתחייב באחריותן בין מנכסי מלוג שלא נתחייב באחריותן. ואינה נוטלת בשל בעל כלום ואפילו מנעל שברגליה ומטפחת שבראשה שלקחן לה פושטת ונותנת לו וכל מה שנתן לה מתנה מחזרת אותו שלא נתן לה על מנת שתטול ותצא:

9

[Different rules apply, however,] if she rebelled against her husband with the intent of causing him distress,17saying: "I intend to cause him distress this way, because he did this or this to me," "...because he cursed me," "...because he has caused me strife," or the like, she is sent a messenger from the court, [who] tells her: "Take note. If you continue your rebellious conduct, you will forfeit your ketubah, even if it is worth one hundred maneh."18

Afterwards, announcements are made concerning her in the synagogues and the houses of study each day for four consecutive weeks,19 saying: "So and so has rebelled against her husband."20

ט

ואם מרדה מתחת בעלה כדי לצערו ואמרה הריני מצערת אותו בכך מפני שעשה לי כך וכך או מפני שקללני או מפני שעשה עמי מריבה וכיוצא בדברים אלו. שולחים לה מבית דין ואומרין לה הוי יודעת שאם את עומדת במרדך אפילו כתובתך מאה מנה הפסדת אותה. ואחר כך מכריזין עליה בבתי כנסיות ובבתי מדרשות בכל יום ארבע שבתות זו אחר זו ואומרים פלונית מרדה על בעלה:

10

After the announcement has been made, the court sends her a messenger a second time. He tells her: "If you continue your rebellious conduct, you have forfeited your ketubah." If, nevertheless, she continues this conduct and does not retract, she is consulted by the court. [If she does not change her mind,] she then forfeits her ketubahand has no rights to a ketubah at all.21

She is not given a divorce until twelve months pass.22During these twelve months, [her husband is] not [required] to provide for her subsistence. If she dies before being divorced, her husband inherits her [property].

י

ואחר ההכרזה שולחין לה ב"ד פעם שנייה ואומרים לה אם את עומדת במרדך הפסדת כתובתיך. אם עמדה במרדה ולא חזרה נמלכין בה ותאבד כתובתה ולא יהיה לה כתובה כלל. ואין נותנין לה גט עד י"ב חדש ואין לה מזונות כל י"ב חדש. ואם מתה קודם הגט בעלה יורשה:

11

This is the sequence followed with regard to a woman who rebels [against her husband] in order to cause him distress. These laws apply even when the woman is in the niddah state or when she is ill and is not fit to engage in sexual relations. Similarly, they apply even when her husband is a seaman whose conjugal duties are only once in six months, and even when [her husband] has another wife.23

יא

כסדר הזה עושין לה אם מרדה כדי לצערו. ואפילו היתה נדה או חולה שאינה ראויה לתשמיש ואפילו היה בעלה מלח שעונתו לששה חדשים ואפילו יש לו אשה אחרת:

12

Similarly, when the time comes for an arusah to enter nisu'in,24 and she refuses to do so, rebelling in order to cause [her husband] distress, she is considered to be one who rebels [and refuses to engage] in marital relations. Similarly, the above sequence is followed when a yevamah refuses to undergo yibbum in order to cause [her yavam] distress.25

יב

וכן ארוסה שהגיע זמנה להנשא ומרדה כדי לצערו ולא נשאת הרי זו מורדת מתשמיש. וכן יבמה שלא רצתה להתיבם כדי לצערו כסדר הזה עושין לה:

13

When this woman who rebels is divorced after twelve months without receiving [any of the money due her because of] her ketubah, she must also return everything that belongs to her husband.

With regard to the property that she brought to [the marriage arrangement] and what remains [of her trousseau, different rules apply].26 If she takes physical possession of these articles, they are not taken from her, but if her husband takes physical possession of them,27they are not taken from him. Similarly, her husband is not held liable for anything that has been lost from her possessions for which he accepted responsibility.28 This is the law prescribed by the Talmud with regard to a woman who rebels [against her husband].

http://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/952888/jewish/Ishut-Chapter-Fourteen.htm